In the beginning...

Well I will start off with the beginning of it all I suppose.

It all started in September 2010, well this chapter of our lives anyway. I was a mother to a baby girl, who at the time was about 10 months old, and had been married for about 5 months to her daddy. We were happy but struggling financially and my husband was in line for promotion at his job. My husband, Brandon, was not happy with where he worked and had tried in the previous year to go back to school for a job that may satisfy him. However, when my pregnancy became difficult because of health reasons and I needed more attention he decided to drop out. So while the promotion would be good for us financially it would not be good for him, and of course by extension our relationship. I saw this and tried to prompt him to make some difficult decisions. I told him I would support him whether he decided to go back to school, stay and suck it up, and/or find another job.

However, I never imagined I would hear this come out of his mouth "I'm going to join the Air Force" but sure enough one day he walked in the door after work and this was his greeting. At first I laughed. I mean I really laughed! Uncontrollable side aching type of laughter. He didn't join in. As soon as I realized he wasn't laughing also I abruptly quit laughing and said "You're serious?" He was slightly embarrassed as he talked me into the fact that he was serious. Then I went into shock... I didn't say anything and went back to cooking dinner trying to process this bit of news. Now to put this into perspective I said growing up I would never marry someone in the military. The constant moves, the long deployments alone, and the biggest point of all the distance from my family, I wanted no part in that! I knew though, as I stood there in my kitchen with my husband moving around in the background, that two things were absolute, one that I could not fathom being without my husband and two that I could not deny him this opportunity if that is what he wanted. This was my first lesson in being an Airman's wife, even though he wasn't even an Airman Recruit yet.

In October he went in to start the recruiting process, he had high scores and good health and was going in as an E-3 (which has a higher pay scale then at his current job). Once I got used to the idea I felt very blessed, I knew in my heart this was God's doing. So I prayed for it to be a quick process. My husband was also in a hurry, and then in January he was sworn in. In February we got news that he had a date, April 12th. As soon as I heard the date I felt panic swell in me. I smiled, hugged him, and masked the overwhelming feeling of loss I felt because that is what he needed, this was my second lesson. I never cried in front of him but instead of praying for his quick departure as I had been, I prayed, no begged, for the days to drag by. I felt almost as though he were already gone with that date looming over us. When the time came though for him to actually  leave I realized the loss I had been feeling was nothing compared to the real thing. I told someone once him being gone is almost like having a limb cut off... you feel like their still there at the same time as your grieving for your loss, it is the most unsettling feeling I have ever had. Yet... over the past 5 weeks I have fallen more in love with my husband then I have ever been, even on our wedding day (which before for me marked the peak of my love for him) was nothing compared to how in love with him I am now. So no matter the pain I feel with our separation I know it is worth every second because it would not be worth loosing him forever. I didn't realize how blessed a military wife is until I became one. I won't lie it comes with a lot of down sides but just the perk of loving someone so much you can hardly bare it... well to me it's more then worth the prices I will pay, and there's other perks too =).